How to: Become Evil

I Hate You. i know that I haven't posted in a long time but I don't think anyone cares. I just wanted to have someone know this... So I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Especially, music-wise, where there is no right answer. That doesn't mean that you can come and trash somebody elses music. Now imagine those people are your family. Imagine all of them are screaming, agreeing with each other, over a mutual hatred for something that makes you happy. Imagine them telling you to ask anyone you'll ever meet, And imagine them telling you, that whoever it may be, they'd never agree with you. Not in a million years. That everything you do is wrong. And them turn around and tell you, Sacastically, That they love you. And every cell in your body is being torn apart. People you trust... People that no matter how much they hurt you, And they do hurt you, You turn back to them. Stupidly, You try and trust them again. To no avail. They will always come and stab you right in the face. Forget back stabing, They wouldn't dare. They're good Christians, right? Just doing they're job of pursicuiting the lone Atheist. Your mind screams, Stop pretending, Stop the pretense, I can't believe you claimed you were my family. Well, Two can play at that game, right? Welcome to my life.

another guy, kaitlyn?

^^^ not really. it's complicated. if anyone could give me feedback, that would be amazing. but it's just that i don't really like... Jasper (psuedonym)...? I don't nessacarily like him, actually. Just that whenever i''m around him it feels like i do and secretly, i like it. Because i want nothing more than to be able to like him. on paper, or the folds and caverns of my mind, he's perfect for me, singer in a band, atheist, funny... but i'm scared. After i dated halloween guy for three days (I broke it off) i feel like i'm unloveable, destined to be forever alone, because the second i start dating someone two seconds ago i really liked, i lose intrest. and it's a horrible thing, and i do like him, in the darkest parts of my mind, i do. Because i wish i could properly. i want to be able to want to be around him still, and all of it. for example: he usually has a very monotonous voice, and then recently when he's around me it turns softer, less guarded and obviously, more vulnerable. i cringe away from this silently because of how i'm scared almost for him that i'll brak him like i've broken everyone around me.

The Internet

the internet is easily the thing that will be the demise of everyone one day, i think. i watched a documentry on Jack White (who recently became a secret idol of mine), Jimmy Page and another guy although i forgot his name, he was the guitarist for u2. Jack White isn't into the whole technology scene, and i can respect that. Facebook, i can barely stand becasue of how it is just a place for judgement. i do enjoy blogging though, for some reason. i didn't tell anyone about this blog so no one i knew could read it, just random strangers to read my inner most personal thoughts. Jack White made a sort of backwoods guitar that i instantly fell in love with for some reason, better than a strat. it was cool. i also just got the internet turned back on so i'm not writing this from my droid.

no strings attached

I broke up with my boyfriend of about three days an hour ago. Purely because I had an epiphany, which was that I don't want to date anyone. I really like being single and flirting but I was miserable in that relationship. I don't wasn't it to be awkward so I told him it was because my sisters dad found out and freaked out. But, he wouldn't care, really. My epiphany was essentially that I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone no matter who they are because of how my childhood went. It was brutal and now I am destined to be forever alone and I have accepted such a thing and an okay with it. I like flirting and I like having no strings attached. I am afraid of commitment. I have just really realized it, I am afraid of commitment. it is already nice to know it. Bad to realize I'm terrified of it and.... Am forever alone, now. Thanks, life.

Happy halloween!

So I hung out with my crush on halloween, and the entire night we holding hands and it was super adorable. I had borrowed his beanie because my ears were cold and I accidentally still had it when we parted ways, and over text of said something along the lines of ohmygod sorry I have your hat! Then a few texts later, and suddenly, I'm in a relationship. I'm confused because I'm a relationship virgin so to speak and have no idea what I'm doing. At all.

halloween is almost upon us!

So I was going to dress up for halloween. Now the only costume I wanted to wear is also the costume-of-choice for this unattractive girl that always wears short shorts but is very overweight and is known as a slut. I don't want to be this anymore because she is. I despise her for absolutly no reason except for her choice of attire and her indignancy towards realizing she isn't cute and has some acne to clear up. Other than that she is a harmless snob. Now? I'm not going to be anything for halloween. I will show up in a cute little number (I honestly don't understand this expression) paired with my new half-off-designer shoes and go as a homo sapien sapien. Oh well. At least I save money on costumes.

update?

So... the guy from the other posts. Well, he's still okay, I guess. He came up to me out of nowhere and hugged me, and I was totally stoked. But that's more of an update on the supject for (if anyone is reading this) that liked it? I don't know. ;) and there's this other guy that I have been friends with since the seventh grade and I really like being friends with him. But honestly, recently I started liking him and I just... I ... dont't know what to do either. Any help?