another guy, kaitlyn?

^^^ not really. it's complicated. if anyone could give me feedback, that would be amazing. but it's just that i don't really like... Jasper (psuedonym)...? I don't nessacarily like him, actually. Just that whenever i''m around him it feels like i do and secretly, i like it. Because i want nothing more than to be able to like him. on paper, or the folds and caverns of my mind, he's perfect for me, singer in a band, atheist, funny... but i'm scared. After i dated halloween guy for three days (I broke it off) i feel like i'm unloveable, destined to be forever alone, because the second i start dating someone two seconds ago i really liked, i lose intrest. and it's a horrible thing, and i do like him, in the darkest parts of my mind, i do. Because i wish i could properly. i want to be able to want to be around him still, and all of it. for example: he usually has a very monotonous voice, and then recently when he's around me it turns softer, less guarded and obviously, more vulnerable. i cringe away from this silently because of how i'm scared almost for him that i'll brak him like i've broken everyone around me.

The Internet

the internet is easily the thing that will be the demise of everyone one day, i think. i watched a documentry on Jack White (who recently became a secret idol of mine), Jimmy Page and another guy although i forgot his name, he was the guitarist for u2. Jack White isn't into the whole technology scene, and i can respect that. Facebook, i can barely stand becasue of how it is just a place for judgement. i do enjoy blogging though, for some reason. i didn't tell anyone about this blog so no one i knew could read it, just random strangers to read my inner most personal thoughts. Jack White made a sort of backwoods guitar that i instantly fell in love with for some reason, better than a strat. it was cool. i also just got the internet turned back on so i'm not writing this from my droid.