another guy, kaitlyn?

^^^ not really. it's complicated. if anyone could give me feedback, that would be amazing. but it's just that i don't really like... Jasper (psuedonym)...? I don't nessacarily like him, actually. Just that whenever i''m around him it feels like i do and secretly, i like it. Because i want nothing more than to be able to like him. on paper, or the folds and caverns of my mind, he's perfect for me, singer in a band, atheist, funny... but i'm scared. After i dated halloween guy for three days (I broke it off) i feel like i'm unloveable, destined to be forever alone, because the second i start dating someone two seconds ago i really liked, i lose intrest. and it's a horrible thing, and i do like him, in the darkest parts of my mind, i do. Because i wish i could properly. i want to be able to want to be around him still, and all of it. for example: he usually has a very monotonous voice, and then recently when he's around me it turns softer, less guarded and obviously, more vulnerable. i cringe away from this silently because of how i'm scared almost for him that i'll brak him like i've broken everyone around me.